So here's the thing. It's been about 7 months since I first texted "my no / sup" into what I thought was just another number. Seven months of calls that ran too long, movie nights at the mall, late-night texts while you were arguing with someone on mute, coffee at Third Wave, and just existing near each other in a way that quietly became the best part of my days.
I'm not great at saying things out loud. But I'm decent at noticing things. And I've been noticing a lot, enough that about two months ago I started writing them down. Not in any grand way. Just small observations, tucked away, the kind you collect when someone starts mattering to you without your permission.
You were out of town for your birthday and I couldn't be there. Then afterwards, meeting just didn't happen the way I wanted. So this is what I have to offer, a whole website made out of the things I like about you, wrapped up as best I can.
I kept a list. I know, very weird of me. But here it is.
I genuinely don't know how someone's nose can be simultaneously the cutest thing in the room and also just constantly running.
It was the auto ride. You'd just shown me your new hair and you went a little quiet and that smile showed up anyway. That's the one. I think about it more than I should.
You just have this effortless thing where everything looks like it was meant to be worn exactly that way. The belt you were wearing that one evening. The half-saree you mentioned for the wedding. I pay attention. Probably more than I should admit in a website.
You check on people. You remember things. You'll get into an argument on someone's behalf at 11pm and then still text me from the same phone two minutes later. You carry a lot of people and you do it quietly.
You'll hold a very firm position and then one argument later you're like "okay fine." It comes from a good place, you just don't want to be unreasonable, and you aren't.
Hard to explain and easy to feel. You walk into a space and something shifts. Even over a call, even over text, there's a kind of warmth that just follows you around. I don't think you know this about yourself.
Talking to you is the kind of easy that doesn't announce itself. It just is. We can go from completely unhinged conversation to something genuinely real and back without any warning.
You send "jaaa bey" and then immediately check if I slept okay. The contradiction is very you and I enjoy it deeply. Angry but never unkind.
The 2am texts. The calls that go nowhere specific but end up somewhere good. You say "sleep well" and then keep talking for another 40 minutes. I don't mind. I never mind.
You're the first face I think of. I said it once and I meant it and it's still true.
The things that don't fit anywhere else but I didn't want to leave out.
"i can never do bland food or bland people lol"
I respect amen.
Ira is probably sitting in a box somewhere rn thou.
You will be on mute on a group call and texting me simultaneously. Some people read books during boring parts. You text me. I'm choosing not to overthink this.
Ronaldo.
The running joke that you've left things with me. "Wrong girl, Vaibhav. Bye." Sent at 1am.
You said "call you in 6 minutes" and I asked why not 5 and you said you'd speak to me tomorrow at 5. This is our communication style and I've accepted it.
A standalone class. You teach it. I'm enrolled. You just looked at me and said "assumptions 101."
"phineas looks like a bingo triangle chip." You said it. I can't unsee it now. This is your fault.
You were out of town. I couldn't give you anything then. And then after you got back, things kept not aligning the way I wanted them to. It bothered me more than I let on.
I wanted to give you something memorable.
Just the fact of you, in a room, on a call, across a text, is enough. It always has been.
I started this document around January, when I realised I was accumulating observations about you faster than I knew what to do with. This is what they turned into.
I don't care that we haven't put a label on anything. I care that when you dreamt of hugging me and woke up missing me, you texted me about it. I care that you asked if I was proud when you didn't smoke for a day. I care that the letter I wrote you is still something you said stayed with you.
I know things haven't been easy, for you, for us, for whatever this is. But I meant what I said. I wouldn't still be here if I didn't want to be. And I do. I really do.
This is the gift from my side. Something I made entirely of things I've noticed about you.
Take care of that stomach. Take good rest.
Hey, good evening. It wasn't that easy. It was rough. What you said 2 days back, was really something I Never thought you would say that.
For the first time, I feel like I don't want to talk to you. It feels that whatever I felt till now was disregarded as something which was all a lie. I genuinely don't know if you truly meant what you said or was in a fit of rage.
Still saying that you don't feel apologetic at all in the end, is truly heartbreaking. I don't feel like it. I feel empty.